First and foremost before we get started in sacrificing some books let me make it very clear that these are my personal opinions and mine alone! If you love the books I’m going to be ranting about here that’s great. Don’t be personally offended. My opinion and your opinion are two completely different things and both are good and valid.
Another thing I should probably mention is that this is going to contain some cursing. I get very emotional while talking about books that rubbed me the wrong way and I’m most likely going to be dropping some F-bombs. So if you are not a fan of profanity – this would be your warning.
And a third little disclaimer – I’m going to cheat. Repeatedly. I’m not limiting myself to mentioning just one single book, because in some instances my rage can’t be concentrated on one book and one alone.
Also major Spoiler warning for everyone who hasn’t read “Allegiant” yet! If you plan on doing so, you might want to skip over the first part of Scenario #2.
Ariel Bissett, one of my favourite BookTubers on YouTube, created this tag and it’s about the books you hate the most. Now normally I don’t hate on books but I just love this tag so much and after watching a ton of the videos of it floating around on the Internet I really started thinking about what my answers would be and why I would pick those books. So I decided to write it all down and do this tag. There are four different scenarios that Ariel has created and all you do is choose a book you would sacrifice in that particular situation.
So let’s hate on some books, shall we?
Scenario #1 – An Over-Hyped Book:
Let’s start this off with a Zombie Apocalypse. Let’s say you’re in a bookstore, just browsing, when BAM! ZOMBIE ATTACK. An announcement comes over the PA System saying that the military has discovered that the zombies’ only weakness is over-hyped books. What book that everyone else says is amazing but you really hated do you start chucking at the zombies knowing that it will count as an over-hyped book and successfully wipe them out?
For this I choose “The Mortal Instruments” series by Cassandra Clare. Now I don’t necessarily hate the series I just really don’t like it. The first book was okay, the second book was kind of meh, but from then on the series deteriorated rapidly and I ended up just skim reading through the books.
I have a huge problem with the two main characters Clary and Jace. Clary is so fucking ANNOYNG! She’s a quite boring character with no depth at all and the only definition she gets is through her love for Jace. There is nothing more to this girl aside from her love for a boy. No character development happening or anything. There is nothing really exceptional about her person. Nothing that made me think wow this girl is kind of amazing/wow I really love this girl/oh no I feel so sorry for her. I just had no connection to her whatsoever (or any of the characters for that matter). She just really annoyed the fuck out of me. And Jace… God Jace. I know he is most teenage girls dream boyfriend and oh so perfect, but holy crap most of the time I just wanted to slap the shit out of him. He is a whiny little bitch. Cassandra Clare tries to convince us that Jace is such a good and sweet boy with a heart of gold and Clary manages to bring out the kindness in him and completely changes him and this idea is shoved down our throats permanently throughout the whole series and it just drives me crazy.
“The Mortal Instruments” series has a prequel trilogy, namely “The Infernal Devices”. I read that one too. And I thank every God there is that I have done so before I read the TMI series. I love those books! I love the characters and their development, I love the love triangle (which rarely happens because I despise love triangles with every fibre of my being), I love the setting and I just love everything about this trilogy.
What the hell went wrong with “The Mortal Instruments”, Miss Clare?
Scenario #2 – A Sequel:
Let’s say you’ve just left the salon with a SMASHING new haircut and BOOM: Torrential downpour. What sequel are you willing to use as an umbrella to protect yourself?
Now this isn’t technically a sequel, but the third instalment of a trilogy. My bookish umbrella would be “Allegiant” by Veronica Roth. I loved “Divergent”! I liked “Insurgent”. “Allegiant” however? Nope. The book starts with an epigraph of the fraction manifest of the Erudite: “Every question that can be answered must be answered or at least engaged. Illogical thought processes must be challenged when they arise.” And what does the book do? Completely ignoring it. Why put in an epigraph about questions having to be answered and illogical thought processes having to be challenged when “Allegiant” was so full of plot holes and unrealistic situations and just a whole lot of plain laughable explanations.
I also hated the fact that the POV shifted between the two main characters after every chapter because it just didn’t work for me at all. Two people telling the story also means double the amount of whining, which both if them did – a lot – and Tobias turned into a complete pansy, I just couldn’t handle him at all. Also to me it was very clear from the beginning that something bad must be happening in the end to one of the two characters, otherwise we wouldn’t be getting equal “screen time” with both of them. And I was right. What irked me the most about this dual POV however was that if the author wouldn’t have put the name of the character who is “speaking” right now at the start of every chapter I would not have been able to distinguish Tris from Tobias. No difference in character or personality whatsoever.
And that ending was just so… UGH. Now I wasn’t that attached to the characters so I didn’t feel particularly sad that Tris died, but what I don’t understand is WHY. Clearly it was Caleb who had to redeem himself and he accepted the fact that his suicide would save everyone else, but then she goes and she does it instead? What? No. Why? Now I would have been able to understand that a bit better if Tris would still love her brother DESPITE him being a complete jackass. I would have understood it if she was so desperate to save her last living family member that she sacrifices herself to keep him save because she cares about Caleb very much. She doesn’t, however. She doesn’t care for him at all. And that’s why this ending left a very bad taste in my mouth.
I’m also going to mention one of my all time favourite series here in this scenario. Now I fiercely love the “Hunger Games” by Suzanne Collins. I love “Catching Fire” even more! But holy crap I really don’t like “Mockingjay”. We spend the first half of the book moping in a basement having to deal with a whiney and self-pitying Katniss and then after we made it through that agonizingly boring part of the book we get rewarded by having our hearts ripped out. Is there a more appropriate example for “What the fuck did you kill them for?? How exactly did that serve the plot?? That was so unnecessary!!” than “Mockingjay”? Nope.
Scenario #3 – A Classic:
Let’s say you’re in a lecture and your English teacher is going on and on about how this classic changed the world, how it revolutionized literature and you get so sick of it that you chuck the classic right at their face because you know what? This classic is stupid and it’s worth detention just to show everyone how you feel! What Classic did you chuck?
I have a few classics that I’d like to chuck around here. The first one being “Go Ask Alice” by Beatrice Sparks. This is basically just a sensationalized piece of garbage. You would need one hell of a drug to believe that this was an actual real diary.
The second classic I really didn’t like is “Lord of the Flies” by William Golding. I don’t quite get why this book is required reading in most schools. It doesn’t teach you ANYTHING. The only thing this book tells you is that if a group of teenage boys crash their plane on a deserted island bad things happen and they just start killing each other.
The one that takes the crown however is “The Catcher in the Rye” by J.D. Salinger. I feel like this is a book you either love fiercely or you hate it with a fiery passion. Those who love it are the people who can identify with the main character Holden. They see a misunderstood poet in him who fights against a hypocritical, cold and unfeeling world. Those who don’t love this book – this is the category I fall into – see in Holden a whiney, annoying, self-absorbed little shit.
Holden also doesn’t seem to be the brightest crayon in the box. For example: “He was also the nicest, in lots of ways. He never got mad at anybody. People with red hair are supposed to get mad very easily, but Allie never did, and he had very red hair. I’ll tell you what kind of red hair he had.” (Page 38) So people with red hair get mad more easily than people with differently coloured hair? Also vitally important piece of information here – I desperately need to know what kind of red his hair is. Holden also apparently only does things “sort of”. “I sort of used to go to Allie’s baseball matches.” Listen up, cupcake – You don’t “sort of” do things! You either do them, or you don’t! There is no “sort of”.
Please someone let me know why exactly we had to go through the pain of having this as a mandatory read in school!
Scenario #4 – Your Least Favourite Book Of Life:
Let’s say that you’re hanging out at the library when BAM global warming explodes and the world outside becomes a frozen wasteland. You’re trapped and your only chance for survival is to burn a book. What is the book you first run to, your least favourite book of all life, what book do you not fully regret lighting?
Ohhhh I have a couple of books that I would gladly light on fire to keep myself warm and cosy without a single fuck given whatsoever. Beginning with a book I only recently started reading. I say started because once I got to chapter 5 I literally (and I really mean LITERALLY) flung my kindle away from me, threw my hands in the air and said “Dear God, NO!” That book is “The Corporeal Pull” by Sarah B. Gauldin. I received this book by the author in exchange for a review so I’m probably going to force myself to finish reading it at some point (who knows – it might get better, although the chances of that happening are fairly slim), but so far I am not enjoying it at all. The beginning is such a drag and I have no connection to any of the characters whatsoever. But the main reason I strongly dislike this book is the thing that made me chuck my kindle away from me and that is instant love. There is nothing in this world that I despise more than instant love. It makes me physically cringe and immediately extinguishes every desire I have to continue reading the book.
Some people will think me cruel for the next book I’m going to set ablaze, which is “A Diary of a Young Girl” by Anne Frank. I KNOW her situation was extreme and I KNOW the story deserves attention because it puts a face on a part of our history we shouldn’t ever forget because those were horrible times and her story is really sad, but I thought this book was so unbelievably BORING. I found it so dry and it took me a really long time to finish it. It’s basically just major gossip written by a whining little girl.
But the book (or rather the three books) with which I would light the biggest fire of all time is the “Fifty Shades of Grey” trilogy by E.L. James. Do I really have to get into the details of why I fucking hated these books? Really? I have put myself through the torment of reading – or rather skim reading – all three of the books and to all of you girls out there who are longing for a boyfriend just like Christian Grey who is oh so mysterious and dreamy and just such a poor misunderstood creature I have a question for you: WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? He is a manipulative, controlling, stalking, creepy asshole! And let’s not even begin to talk about Anastasia. No personality at all! I just, I can’t! These books are nothing more than badly written fan fiction! And that IS A FACT people! For all of you didn’t know this already – THIS IS ACTUAL TWILIGHT FAN FICTION! Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to hate on people who write fan fiction. I read fan fiction myself (yes I am still in denial that Cote de Pablo ever left NCIS and I’m staying in my happy TIVA bubble by reading a shit ton of fluffy TIVA fanfics!), but this is just – NO! And to top it all of “Fifty Shades of Grey” is the fastest selling paperback ever! EVER! Even beating HARRY POTTER’S record. The fastest selling paper back in the history of literature is actual smutty twilight fan fiction.
Just let that sink in, people!
— Alina xx